PREPPIES OF THE APOCALYPSE

Earlier this week, my dad mailed me a bunch of my old grade-school papers and report cards and drawings and such. The true gem amongst these is this series of color sketches of “Movie Previews” (or rather, “Preveiws”) I drew when I was seven. I’ll present these largely without comment, other than to point out the following:

1. My spelling has improved since 1981. Curiously, my handwriting has not.

2. “Cathy Crack” is the name of an intrepid girl detective who first appeared in a lavishly illustrated (and totally bonkers) short story I wrote in 1981, The Case of the Crystal Cat. It should be noted that my sister Ingrid also churned out an illustrated story featuring an intrepid girl detective. Hers was named Peggy Paint. We were heavily into alliterative names at the time.

3. I think The Land Where Yesterday is Tomorrow is a decent enough title -- kind of wistful and melancholy, kind of enigmatic -- but Who Killed My Boss? is freaking genius.

We pick up where the pilot left off, with a gun-toting Bridget standing over the corpse of her would-be assassin in her unfinished Manhattan loft. She calls her Narcotics Anonymous sponsor back in Colorado, Malcolm, and leaves him a teary voicemail summarizing everything that happened at the end of last episode. She then reconsiders and deletes the message.

Well, that was pointless.

For crying out loud, Ringer, we’re off to a half-assed start already. I assume the show wanted to ensure that any viewers who missed the pilot could dive into the second episode and get immediately up to speed. Totally unnecessary. Piecing together this straightforward and undemanding plot isn’t a huge challenge, even without Bridget explicitly spelling out everything that took place up to this point.

The new fall shows are here! Let’s check out The CW’s Ringer, shall we?

We open with things already in full swing: In a vast, unfurnished loft, a young woman hides from a burly masked man. The woman is played by Sarah Michelle Gellar, erstwhile Buffy star, making a much-ballyhooed return to network television. Good to see you back on the small screen, Gellar; hope you stick around for a while. While hiding from the man, she accidentally hits the power button on a CD player. Patsy Cline’s “I Fall To Pieces” begins to play, thus alerting her pursuer to her presence. She makes a dash for it, dodging through scaffolding. He tackles her to the floor. Struggling beneath him, she shouts, “You have the wrong girl!”

And now we flash back nine days, to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting somewhere in Wyoming. Gellar is Bridget Kelley: current waitress, former stripper, and former addict (as she has an outstanding charge for solicitation on her record, we can presumably add “former prostitute…